how i wish..

it has been too long...since i post :/ half a year gone..yet i have yet to heal..everyday in school. i cant seem to have any sort of fun..when at least i laugh or smile i would suddenly feel sad..thinking about how much it would be nice if those laughs and smiles..were in front of my real friends..It always seem that friends are forever..but when the time comes..we have to face the truth..even when they remind us saying "dont worry...we will still be there for you." ..those words touches my heart at that moment..but when they found other frens to go with...you will be left out. Im stuck, i dont know what should i do..i dont have face to go up and talk to anyone anymore, i dont belong them..i want to talk..but i dont want to..its complicating. But it seems..that im left alone at the corner to cry. I even thought that i healed..but when i talk about my matters to farraihan..i couldnt help but let my tears out. How much i hated myself for what i should have done...life is life..there are people who enjoys while some suffers and see them smile..oh how i wish a miracle would happen..